The Longest Winter.

I wrote this bit of free-form prose in Bio class (naturally) and I swore that I wouldn't post it. But now I am. It doesn't really matter. We're each entitled to reflection on our histories, am I right? If someone reads this who was never supposed to, well, whatever. My experiences and my life are mine to share. With the internet. Hm. Yeah.

~*~

"The Longest Winter"

It's been the longest winter I can remember - not that it isn't completely and utterly self-imposed. I sit in my snowglobe and recall exactly what it was to be two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, sifting through all the shit the world has to offer and finding each other a breath, no, a violent gasp, for the drowning. Rewind two years and I'm sixteen and tragically poetic. She's two years my junior and beautiful in a way that can't be expressed in numbers or even in color - but rather in passion and in prose, in springtime and in song. She is unconventional in the most appealing way and her smile completes me. She is a tiny dancer and she is infinite. Radiant. She is the rock to my roll - my bumbling, baffled baffoonery. She is mine and I am so in love.

She stops me in the hallway and starts up and I'm all "maybe? Now? Ready? Foreign. How can I? What if I? I want want want so badly and yet yet yet yet yet... here? Please please please just kiss..." inside my head. Externally I am silent and it is so hard to find the words to express how desperately enraptured I am. She kisses me and everything I had read about fireworks and circles of stars exlode in surest understatement. The bell rings and we separate. For the rest of the day the smile never leaves my face and my feet don't once touch the ground.

Then somewhere I fuck up and am once again drowning.

I leave her in favor of some fairy tale dream which I chase and I chase and am forever eluded by, some oversimplified reflection of my horrific selfishness. Lost was everything we shared. the laughs, the literature, the magic, the film, the music. Oh, God. The music...

I hear "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" play over and over and over and over and yet... a feeling shared by kings and vagabonds both is a feeling I have felt and thrown away. She is beautiful and I am so so stupid.

I can't even come close to articulating how much I miss her. I miss her constant encouragement, laughter, passion, antiquity, tiny hands, powerful voice, funny glasses that she let me wear when she stole my sunglasses. I miss the jittery nervous feeling - the butterflies I got in the pit of my stomach when she signed online. I miss "Almost Famous" and "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". I miss her warmth, her kiss, her love. I miss her.

It's been the longest winter I can remember and there are monthes to go before I wake.

~*~

Yeah. Huh.

Bomb the Blogosphere,
Mike