Sometimes, I suppose, we're left to evaluate and take inventory of all the things that make us. Sift through nuances and decisions, details and descriptions. Filter out the unappealing, purge the distasteful. Tune. Adjust for intonation and perfection. Rewrite. And rewrite. And rewrite.
Recreate and recycle. Make new what has worn. Purge. Cleanse. Hide the unattractive under sweatshirts and sweet words.
I've got a head like the sieve these days. And a heart like a doormat.
A mouth like a leaky faucet.
there is a glow
that rises off the parkway
a billion teardrop fog
refracting headlights
homeward bound
and I
am so
enveloped by this
night deprived of sleeping
deeply
lost in dreaming
watching trickles
run in rivers down windows
south by southwest
and missing you dearly
And yet the impossibilty of obtaining that which I have been apart from for so long is more and more obvious every day. The more I think about it, the more certain I am that the promise of companionship is synthetic. That eligible and available are more different than intially expected. That Hollywood endings exist to satiate our neverending thirst for hope in white knights on silver stallions. In princesses and in humanity.
For what it's worth, I blame internet netowrking at least in part for my neurosis.
But back to self-improvement and my inability to perform it. I'm sick of living in drafts. Of being rough around the edges. I lack a luster and reflections are evidence enough of this. Inventory is evidence enough.
Ah, life! Wherefore art thou ever faithful to the fair of skin? Hath thou no eyes with which to see? No heart with which to cradle me and sing me softly, now, to sleep?
Heh. I'm a riot.
Bomb the Blogosphere,
Mike
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Love is best shared simply.
No play on words title, this time, for an entry detailing my experiences with a movie screening.
In the short review that follows (I find it much harder to review things I enjoyed) I'll make sure not to spoil any of the movies more surprising moments. Nor will I reveal the ending or even attempt to approach discussing the alternative view on the world and growing up provided. I'll just say that it moved me and made me thing in way a movie hasn't in a long time.
My neglect to be "punny" is most likely because, unlike last semester's evening with Sunshine, tonight's feature is an exceptional slice of cinematic glory. Mark and I went to see a private viewing of Rocket Science, a beautiful romp through one of suburbia's most fractured circumstances. The film, which earned Sundance Film Festival reognition, chronicles one year in the life of the unfortunately named, stuttering high school freshman Hal Hefner (Reece Thompson) as he falls in love with the beautiful and liquidly confident Ginny Ryerson (Anna Kendrick), captain of the school debate team. Hilarity and twisted sweetness ensue as the tongue-tied boy dives headfirst into Policy Debate, love, and life.
The cast, made almost entirely of youth and implemented adults only to supplement the realism and advance the plot, is nearly flawless. Thompson's insecurity and poor oratory is infinitely endearing and truly creates an empathetic atmospher while Kendrick plays the cookie-cutter cutie you love to hate. Equally strong at the performances of Josh Kay and Vincent Piazza, playing the socially awkward pornography enthusiest Lewis and Hal's kleptomaniac brother Earl, respectively. The setting, soundtrack (most memorably featuring The Violent Femmes' "Blister in the Sun" behind a revenge sequence) and screenplay breathe New Jersey and the film protrays Policy Debate culture, to the best of my knowledge, fairly accurately.
If you're a fan of Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic, I Heart Huckabees and Little Miss Sunshine you can't miss Rocket Science when it is released this August. And if you currently or have ever competed in high school speech and debate, well, you should already havre August 10th marked on your calendar.
Bomb the Blogosphere,
Mike
Don't worry, we'll be back to discussing my own fractured circumstances soon.
In the short review that follows (I find it much harder to review things I enjoyed) I'll make sure not to spoil any of the movies more surprising moments. Nor will I reveal the ending or even attempt to approach discussing the alternative view on the world and growing up provided. I'll just say that it moved me and made me thing in way a movie hasn't in a long time.
My neglect to be "punny" is most likely because, unlike last semester's evening with Sunshine, tonight's feature is an exceptional slice of cinematic glory. Mark and I went to see a private viewing of Rocket Science, a beautiful romp through one of suburbia's most fractured circumstances. The film, which earned Sundance Film Festival reognition, chronicles one year in the life of the unfortunately named, stuttering high school freshman Hal Hefner (Reece Thompson) as he falls in love with the beautiful and liquidly confident Ginny Ryerson (Anna Kendrick), captain of the school debate team. Hilarity and twisted sweetness ensue as the tongue-tied boy dives headfirst into Policy Debate, love, and life.
The cast, made almost entirely of youth and implemented adults only to supplement the realism and advance the plot, is nearly flawless. Thompson's insecurity and poor oratory is infinitely endearing and truly creates an empathetic atmospher while Kendrick plays the cookie-cutter cutie you love to hate. Equally strong at the performances of Josh Kay and Vincent Piazza, playing the socially awkward pornography enthusiest Lewis and Hal's kleptomaniac brother Earl, respectively. The setting, soundtrack (most memorably featuring The Violent Femmes' "Blister in the Sun" behind a revenge sequence) and screenplay breathe New Jersey and the film protrays Policy Debate culture, to the best of my knowledge, fairly accurately.
If you're a fan of Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic, I Heart Huckabees and Little Miss Sunshine you can't miss Rocket Science when it is released this August. And if you currently or have ever competed in high school speech and debate, well, you should already havre August 10th marked on your calendar.
Bomb the Blogosphere,
Mike
Don't worry, we'll be back to discussing my own fractured circumstances soon.
Friday, March 16, 2007
"Landlocked blues"
What an absolutely miserable day.
At least if the rain were pounding there would be some energy. But instead it dribbles and runs lazy rivers down my window before, bored in its own purposelessness, retiring to that ground where it makes slush of this morning's flurries. The roads are in ruins, everything is getting cancelled, I've got no plans for the evening, and everyone seems to be holed up in their own personal spring break hibernations. Morale is low. Life took a fucking snow day.
Though I suppose, in all fairness, it hasn't been the worst spring break. I mean, it started two days early when I got picked up at 4am and driven to Newark to catch a 6:45 plane to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I was there attending a leadership conference and conducting some evaluation and planning. Business. As usual. We got to tour Old San Juan, however, and I suppose it was kinda cool to be in a city made up entirely of crumbling ruins and overpriced bars. It was a good trip, though I was eager to get back home and spend some time with my friends from home.
How silly of me.
The only schools that ended up having "off" the same week as mine were Rutgers and Dartmouth, the latter of which is only half true as Tom came home Tuesday. Early this week I enjoyed the opportunity to catch up with Eric. We trekked out to a drama rehearsal with Bryan, Kristen and Rich and were greeted by the mass chaos that tends to go hand in hand with tech week at FTHS. We got to talk to some of the kids which is always nice but for the most part we kept to ourselves in a quiet corner of the classroom behind backstage. After escaping we drove to Applebee's for cuisine and conversation characteristic (+3 alliteration points) of a night in good ol' F-town. It was nice and we ate a record number of half-priced appetizers, 8 dishes for 5 people... a record I am bent on breaking.
The next day Eric drove me to the mall and window-shopped while I filled out applications for summer employment. Thus far I have applications submitted for Six Flags Great Adventure, The Gap, Banana Republic, Fossil, and the Apple store. Number of phone calls recieved and interviews scheduled? Zero. Perhaps I'm impatient, but this is rather distressing. Later on we drove to Manasquan to go to Surf Taco. We could have just driven a straight line to the one in Point Pleasant, but since Eric's friend works at this one we spent half an hour or so wandering the shoreside streets of Manasquan squinting a street signs 'til we found it. I wasn't even hungry... but I ate a Sunset Classic anyway. There are certain things you just don't pass up.
Thursday was exciting. I got up mad early for my second driving lesson.
[[For clarification sake... and for those of you readers (ha!) not completely down with my life and history... yes, I have my driver's license. However, last year I was in a car accident and totalled the car I was driving. Now, a year later, since I need a car to drive to work and things, we got a new one... a 2003 Jetta. Sweet, right? The catch is that she's manual... and I have no idea how to drive stick. Hence, driving lessons. End anecdote.]]
It didn't go so hot and I was pretty pissed at myself for a while. But then at 10am or so Tom picked me up and we drive to pick up his cousins before catching a train outta Matawan, City bound. We were going to see The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. After arriving we ate lunch at Bella Vita off 7th, which beforehand opened up the opportunity for me to be cool and say, "we could go to this little Italian place I know." We did the obligatory Toys 'R Us stop and then headed west to get on line, for 90 minutes, for the show. All in all, it was funny and a pretty cool experience. The program is a lot shorter in person but I got to see Sandra Bullock in real life... an event that may very well sustain me in future tribulations. We ate dinner at Nathan's (ew.) and headed home, exhausted.
Which brings us, me, to now. Sitting in my room, in the quiet, with the lights off. Eyelids heavy from neglect and utterly reduced to one word responses to half-hearted questions. Break isn't supposed to be like this. Hell, home isn't supposed to be like this. And with the weather like it is, it looks as if I'll be completely and totally landlocked for at least the rest of the night. Probably even into tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm gonna make it.
Bomb the Blogosphere,
Mike
At least if the rain were pounding there would be some energy. But instead it dribbles and runs lazy rivers down my window before, bored in its own purposelessness, retiring to that ground where it makes slush of this morning's flurries. The roads are in ruins, everything is getting cancelled, I've got no plans for the evening, and everyone seems to be holed up in their own personal spring break hibernations. Morale is low. Life took a fucking snow day.
Though I suppose, in all fairness, it hasn't been the worst spring break. I mean, it started two days early when I got picked up at 4am and driven to Newark to catch a 6:45 plane to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I was there attending a leadership conference and conducting some evaluation and planning. Business. As usual. We got to tour Old San Juan, however, and I suppose it was kinda cool to be in a city made up entirely of crumbling ruins and overpriced bars. It was a good trip, though I was eager to get back home and spend some time with my friends from home.
How silly of me.
The only schools that ended up having "off" the same week as mine were Rutgers and Dartmouth, the latter of which is only half true as Tom came home Tuesday. Early this week I enjoyed the opportunity to catch up with Eric. We trekked out to a drama rehearsal with Bryan, Kristen and Rich and were greeted by the mass chaos that tends to go hand in hand with tech week at FTHS. We got to talk to some of the kids which is always nice but for the most part we kept to ourselves in a quiet corner of the classroom behind backstage. After escaping we drove to Applebee's for cuisine and conversation characteristic (+3 alliteration points) of a night in good ol' F-town. It was nice and we ate a record number of half-priced appetizers, 8 dishes for 5 people... a record I am bent on breaking.
The next day Eric drove me to the mall and window-shopped while I filled out applications for summer employment. Thus far I have applications submitted for Six Flags Great Adventure, The Gap, Banana Republic, Fossil, and the Apple store. Number of phone calls recieved and interviews scheduled? Zero. Perhaps I'm impatient, but this is rather distressing. Later on we drove to Manasquan to go to Surf Taco. We could have just driven a straight line to the one in Point Pleasant, but since Eric's friend works at this one we spent half an hour or so wandering the shoreside streets of Manasquan squinting a street signs 'til we found it. I wasn't even hungry... but I ate a Sunset Classic anyway. There are certain things you just don't pass up.
Thursday was exciting. I got up mad early for my second driving lesson.
[[For clarification sake... and for those of you readers (ha!) not completely down with my life and history... yes, I have my driver's license. However, last year I was in a car accident and totalled the car I was driving. Now, a year later, since I need a car to drive to work and things, we got a new one... a 2003 Jetta. Sweet, right? The catch is that she's manual... and I have no idea how to drive stick. Hence, driving lessons. End anecdote.]]
It didn't go so hot and I was pretty pissed at myself for a while. But then at 10am or so Tom picked me up and we drive to pick up his cousins before catching a train outta Matawan, City bound. We were going to see The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. After arriving we ate lunch at Bella Vita off 7th, which beforehand opened up the opportunity for me to be cool and say, "we could go to this little Italian place I know." We did the obligatory Toys 'R Us stop and then headed west to get on line, for 90 minutes, for the show. All in all, it was funny and a pretty cool experience. The program is a lot shorter in person but I got to see Sandra Bullock in real life... an event that may very well sustain me in future tribulations. We ate dinner at Nathan's (ew.) and headed home, exhausted.
Which brings us, me, to now. Sitting in my room, in the quiet, with the lights off. Eyelids heavy from neglect and utterly reduced to one word responses to half-hearted questions. Break isn't supposed to be like this. Hell, home isn't supposed to be like this. And with the weather like it is, it looks as if I'll be completely and totally landlocked for at least the rest of the night. Probably even into tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm gonna make it.
Bomb the Blogosphere,
Mike
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